If You Are My Shooting Star

by IdTakeABulletForYou

Your memory will always linger here inside my head.
All the days together I will cherish 'till I'm dead.
I constantly remind myself I'll never see your face again
-- What was once will never be,
... nor will it be erased.

I'm trying hard to get along
aware you are forever gone.
I find my mind wanders towards you
even when I don't want it to.

I know I'm breaking into pieces;
-- I can't seem to let you go.
The memories, so haunting, still...
I cannot let them go.

It's tough to try and ease this pain
without seeing your smiling face...
my lips so dry,
my eyes... so Lost.
I'd do anything to hold your hand,
but you have taken off...

I fear living this lonesome life
without a hand to hold.
All this time you soothed my heart,
and now, it's growing cold.

Tell me, what am I to do
when I am not looking at you?
A home so solemn; empty, bare.
I wake up thinking you are there...
-- But I am all alone.

I know It's in the past and I have got to find a way
to let myself accept the fact that you have gone away.
Truth be told, I'm worried still, that I won't stay alive
-- How can I exist if there's no way I can survive
without
you?

If you are My Shooting Star
-- what will I do now that you're gone?
All my wishes won't be granted
cause there's nothing to wish on...

(Shooting stars come only once,
Make sure you make your wish.
For shooting stars go only forward;
gone in just a mere instant.

~

Shooting Stars are in the sky,
you watch as one passes you by.
You make a wish, hope it comes true.
I always wait, but
They
Never
Do.)


Thanks for reading =]
Please comment and/or rate accordingly.

~Stephen White

 

Submission date : 2007-06-03
Last edit : 2007-06-03

Visits : 13954
Votes : 25
Rating : 4.9

Latest comments

xMissTaylorx ( F ) at 2007-06-10

Wow. this was amazing. a lot of emotion put into this. you've got a talent. pllleaase keep writing!

Jess at 2007-06-11

That was amazing, I just don't know what else to say... it was great :D

scarlett at 2007-06-11

"You make a wish, hope it comes true.
I always wait, but
They
Never
Do."

i'm not quite sure why but this was my favorite part of the whole poem. The poem itself made me think a lot. It's a great poem. Well done.

5/5
Scarlett

Jonda Beth ( F P C D ) at 2007-06-18

Stop it...they are all so good i can't stand it..(no don't stop...lol)...i love how you are using metaphorical ideas...it makes it worth reading and thinking about...yay...good work
Jonda Beth
(again)

Sabree at 2007-06-25

Ahhh...much more to my delight! This is an astounding poem although there were a few things that i would like to comment on to help you with your journey through literature.

1. Keep the message strong, sometimes i tend to lose what the poem is about.
2. Keep your words flowing, they do not need to rhyme but give them some sense of rhythm so that someone can easily go through them without growing bored
3. Let the emotion fill the poem, do not die off ANYWHERE in it

Now that i have left my critique on the things you could improve on, i shall now tell you some things that i deeply enjoyed about your poetry.

1. Your subject was very clear, it is obvious what the person has done to you and how it affected you
2. Your grammar was astounding as always (almost)
3. You leave your reader not feeling sorry for you, nor feeling sad. You leave them with a sense that they know more about life now. That is a rare trait that i hightly adore about you.

Your poetry is amazing and i wish for you to keep working and going far. This is an excellent poem. I shall give you a 5/5 once again.

-Sabree

[ Praised by IdTakeABulletForYou | Approved by Ex-Moderator ]



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