Comments - Breathe .

Marc Ortiz ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-23

Wow I really dont like short poem but this was very beautiful! it all happened in a moment of time! well done! This is very unique! well done I love the imagery! you're really talented! keep writing! 5/5!! as always!

xxSnow AngeLxx ( F C D ) at 2007-05-23

WOW!!.....beautiful work...lovely..amazing,perfect...soo filled wth passion...just soo beyond words!...
loved it!
Easy 5/5=)
xxPoojaxx

Carmen ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-23

Haha, that was one of the most creative short poems i've read... ur a very interesting author. i like ur poems. 5/5

nuvia rios ( C ) at 2007-05-24

Omg , i cant even explain how addicted you got me to continue reading.......put it this way as of now ur definately in my fav list!

Tricky Daze ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-30

It was really unique and eliminated..especially ( ) made it different from all others
My fave lines should be;

(Step forward)
No, don't kiss.
(Go backwards)
Don't make more to miss.

Keep it up,
Laura

forever in love ( F P C D ) at 2007-05-31

Nice thoughts of writing. nicely thinking and then describing the beauty of the words in this poem short but very to the point. good work take care 5/5

livin in a lonely hell ( F P C D ) at 2007-07-03

This is amazing you put the words so perfectly together and made an osm poem great write

laura

cRyInGxmYxsOuLXaWAyx iNxLiFeXiND ( F P C ) at 2007-07-31

Great poem, i liked it... it felt like u were talking to meh xD lol but 5/5 i liked it alot it wuz put together nicely! ^_^

~*~skYe~*~

Marian ( F P C D ) at 2007-08-02

You capture your theme with a subliminal exercise (breathing) that makes it wholly engaging. The pitch was hurried and emotions raw and captivating. I enjoyed this piece, Mindy. Nice piece.

Brittany ( P C D ) at 2007-08-05

I love how you did this. When I read it the first time (before you requested I comment it) I honestly thought it was SO unique and cool. I still think that. I love the concept. I'd love to see you write another poem like this. It absolutely stunned me in a good way.

Gerilynn at 2008-05-11

Hm, at times it feels like the words were forced into the poem. The rhyming and stuff? But hey, the brackets were quite effective and I must say, I enjoyed this quite a lot. It's different and a lot shorter than your recent poems, but all the same it's just as powerful.

xPinkDizzyTeacupx ( F P C D ) at 2008-06-05

Ohhhh wow...this brought tears to my eyes...

I foud the opening stanza to be so very sad and heartbreaking, and such a wonderful way to open the piece, it drags the reader right into it, and I love the parathensis (sp?) effect again, I think that makes it so much stronger with this piece.

"(Let go)
It falls apart.
(Relax)
Ignore your heart.

^^ Easily my favourite stanza of the piece...I find this to be incredibly moving, so bittersweet and filled with so much pain and loss, that you can't help but -feel- everything that you're talking about here.

"(Step forward)
No, don't kiss.
(Go backwards)
Don't make more to miss."

^^This is the only bit I'm not to sure on, simply because I feel that the flow is slightly of in the last line...maybe something like..

"Nothing to miss" or "No more to miss" ? Just a thought.

"(Inhale)
Release a sigh.
(Clear your throat)
& Say good-bye."

^^ This is the part that brought me to tears...so moving and sad, and something I feel to many people can relate to...I love this stanza.

On the whole, I think you did a beautiful job with this.


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