Many A Moment

by Eibutsina

There has been many a moment
When I have seriously contemplated my life
Considered the point of continuing on
When I seem endlessly consumed with strife…
There has been many a moment
That I have stared into my mirror deep
And been disgusted with the reflection
And all the hidden pain that it can keep…
There has been many a moment
That I have eaten and forced myself to be sick
Because I fear seeming unattractive
But this is just the start of all of it…
There has been many a moment
That I have refused to eat for days at all
Because the sight of my own person sickens me so
And im so desperate for my weight to fall…
There has been many a moment
I have dragged that sharpness over my skin
Like the river of blood can compensate me some how
And help me dispose of these feelings within…
There has been many a moment
I’ve found myself with a tightly noosed rope
Held around my neck, fixated from the roof
Because I have lost my ability to cope…
There has been many a moment
When I am just so sick to death of life
That I find myself considering to take my own
By means of suicide and a rusty knife…

But there has also been many a moment
That I have been so happy that I have cried
And there is memories of seldom good times
And the achievements that I have tried…
There has been many a moment
That I have been able to probably express
The joy that I so rarely experience
What I consider to be pure happiness
All those many moments I see
When I look back at those days
I get a vision of your face each and every time
How you’ve made me happy in so many ways…
There will be many a moment
I will return this joy to you
Because you’re the love of my life and reason for living
There’ll be so many moments I’ll have to thank you…